The Butterfly Flaps Its Wings
by pentup
Summary: Robin's POV, a review of her relationship with Barney
1. The Vomit

_This is my first fanfiction. I am fascinated by the characters of Barney Stinson and Robin Scherbatsky. I do not own these characters._

_This is the first chapter. I hope to write the next chapter soon._

THE BUTTERFLY FLAPS ITS WINGS

She stared at the view of the city from the corner office she now occupied. The soaring windows lent a breathtaking view of Manhattan. The lights flickered from the office buildings and row houses below. The streets were empty, it was past 10 pm. It had taken her 7 years since she moved from Calgary to be here. She paid a steep price to own this.

_February 2012_

There was gnawing feeling in the center of her belly, it was almost painful, and she was lightheaded and feverish. It felt like hunger, yet she could not even swallow the beer that was in her mouth. She rarely felt this way; the last time was when she found her father in bed with someone who was not her mother. That was more than 20 years ago. She had forgotten that sensation until today in Quinn's apartment. It started when they arrived in the building. Robin's escape plan was to pretend to receive a phone call from the head office asking her to come to work for a journalist who called in sick. But Lily and Ted were bickering all the way from their apartment about how they should act in front of Barney's new girlfriend. Before she knew it, she was being led into the living room by a very attractive bosomy self assured blonde woman with sharp eyes and a knowing smile. She immediately could see why he had taken to her so quickly. She was different. Her diction, her mannerisms, her clothes bespoke of a woman of means; she was not like the usual women who worked in her trade or other women who hang out in bars trying their luck for the evening.

Robin stood up and excused herself to go to the powder room, which was decorated with an eclectic collection of knick knacks, "Boho chic", she thought to herself. The rest of the apartment was well appointed, a combination of treasures from the antique flea market to an expensive leather sofa from the high end furniture shop in the mall. The journalist in her could not help but question the disparity between what she saw and what she thought a woman like Quinn can afford. Or maybe … she stopped. She could not allow herself to go there. Even if Robin was his friend, she was more importantly his ex- girlfriend. It was not her place to question this. But whatever this he was in, it did not feel right.

Robin had not seen Barney for weeks. She has been living in a haze, living from one day to the next. It was a good thing she at least had a job to keep her mind from dealing with her issues, like the 24 hour engagement with Kevin, the awkwardness of having to deal with Ted and the fact that she was legally homeless. Otherwise, she had not thrown herself off the George Washington Bridge and she managed to get off the bed everyday, dress up, go to work, face people and meet her deadlines, so she considered herself to be quite well off despite the mayhem that was churning inside her brain. She did not let herself go and no one called on the chaos she was in. She did not allow herself to stop, because when she stopped or even slowed down, whether it be under the warm soothing shower or in the stillness inside the taxicab, her mind wanders to a place, which now seems ages ago... An age when she had a chance, a promise of love she did not believe could be possible, with him... Barney. And so she was alone. She was, as he had aptly described her, a mess.

She could not look at him. She could only catch glimpses of him while he ran around the apartment following his girlfriend. She wanted to look at his blue eyes, smell him and touch him, but she relinquished the right to any of it. He was now someone else's, not hers.

She did not pay attention to Marshall, Lily and Ted when they left Quinn's apartment while they heatedly discussed about what they saw between Barney and Quinn, how she ordered him around, how he looked flustered and besides himself. Even when they returned to Marsall and Lily's, Robin kept silent. She had more important things on her mind. Most importantly, she felt sick and she did not want to throw up on Lily's new carpet.


	2. The Butterfly Necklace

Chapter 2: The Butterfly Necklace

_November 2011_

Rummaging through the accessories in her jewelry box, Robin found a necklace she had almost forgotten about. The pendant was shaped like a butterfly with yellow gold wings and a white gold body. Made by metalwork artisan from Pennsylvania, each butterfly was unique, the design was intricate and obviously a labor of love. Lily bought 2 at a jewelry art show they went to shortly after they first met and gave her one. To Robin and Lily, sharing the same piece of jewelry between two girlfriends was a seal of an exceptional friendship which had grown only stronger in the 7 years they had known each other. Its endearing meaning was not lost on Robin, yet, she had not worn the necklace in 3 years. In fact, she tucked it away in a secret compartment in her jewelry box which only revealed itself today when the box fell and the trap drawer opened. She put the necklace around her neck, the butterfly pendant nestled just under the hollowed space in between her collarbones. She was happy with what she saw in the mirror. She marveled at how the gold shimmered and accentuated her neck and face as she adjusted it against the light. Wearing it again, revived the same feelings she had when she last wore it.

It started 4 years ago when her high school boyfriend came to visit New York only to unceremoniously ditch her again. She was in Maclarens drinking by herself, when Barney found her. She was broken and in tears. Barney sat by her side and wrapped his arm around her shoulder and caressed it. It was then she knew she could not be alone and needed to be with someone. That night, by some luck, it just happened to be Barney She invited him to her place to watch her silly teen music video. Sitting beside him on her sofa, their shoulders brushing against each other, she admired his masculine jaw, his golden hair and his blue eyes. She had always been curious of how good a kisser he was and tonight she did not have the will to fight the temptation. She made the first move and placed her hand on his thigh. He turned to her with a quizzical look and she answered him by leaning towards him, planting her open mouth on his, while her right hand pulled on his tie. This set into action an irretrievable chain of events that was so unlike her wild fantasies of hard and raunchy sex with Barney Stinson. Instead he was a giving, responsive and tender lover that left her warm and confused the following morning. On April 2008, Robin verified that Barney was as good as he declared himself to be, and to her pleasant surprise Robin discovered that he was the best she had ever had.

Casual sex is supposed to be casual, she thought. After the tension dissipates and the alcohol wanes, life moves along on the same course. However, after the one time she slept with him, she found herself wanting him more; she had dreams about him that left her sweating in her bed and she laughed at his jokes uncontrollably while the rest of the gang cringed. It did not help that she saw him almost everyday. For months, she pretended that nothing happened but life kept on steering her towards him, like a train out of control darting towards collision. Then, one day, 3 years ago, she wore the butterfly necklace, Barney told her, he had been wanting the trouble for a long time and with those words, Robin took a leap with Barney into uncharted waters of coupledom. After 4 tumultuous months, they both almost drowned.

She had been in and out of relationships before and she had always come out of them unscathed. Some rounds at the shooting range, a few tumblers of scotch and a couple nights of strange, was her usual secret formula to shake off an ex from her system. For a relationship of a few months, it would take maybe 3 days to work; for the 1 year relationship she had with Ted a few weeks was more than enough to expunge any residual feelings. Her strategy was so successful in getting rid of feelings; she and Ted were able to return to the friend zone.

Shaking off Barney had been a little bit more bothersome than she was comfortable to admit. Putting him in the friend zone was not enough. Just when she would think they had gotten back to bro-hood, little things would derail it back to awkwardville. There was that dance in Cleveland, the almost kiss in the rain after Hurricane Irene and when she found out Barney was part Canadian, she was so thrilled, and there are no other words to describe herself but an idiot. On Halloween, which she never celebrated, she dressed up as a Vancouver Canucks Hockey player and sent him a Canadian Mounties costume to wear. She needed to fortify her "feelings extinguishing methods". She needed to create a moat in between them. So, Robin pushed Barney to go out with her perfect co worker, Nora. Yet, when Barney and Nora's relationship was turning serious, which Robin should have rejoiced about, she instead crawled again under the table drowning herself with a bottle of Johnny Walker. Her next plan was to build another buffer, another layer of defense. Enter Kevin, her likeable, smart, funny, level headed therapist, who was now her boyfriend. Barney and Nora, Robin and Kevin, this had to work. She could not believe it was already 3 years since she and Barney decided to end their rocky relationship and return to being friends, because at this point she had this nagging feeling, he could never be just her friend.

Robin took a deep breath and immediately removed the necklace and replaced the jewelry in the secret compartment in the box.


End file.
